


Hybristophilia and How To Adapt

by keepquietplease



Series: Sanders Sides First And Last Thing AU [13]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abused Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Angst, Cannibalism, Cannibalistic Thoughts, Child Abuse, Except his four boyfriends, Homophobia, Hybristophilia, I feel dirty writing this, Multi, No one can touch his Virgil, Protective Morality | Patton Sanders, Smut, Sub Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, but homophobia still, drugging your boyfriend with his consent, everyone is fucked up, half kid virgil half adult virgil, like overprotective, like so minor because I don't want to use slurs, no one is sympathetic, they're all horny on main
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:14:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26672737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keepquietplease/pseuds/keepquietplease
Summary: A look into why Virgil gets turned on by murder.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Everyone, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Series: Sanders Sides First And Last Thing AU [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1913083
Comments: 12
Kudos: 111





	Hybristophilia and How To Adapt

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hot_mess_express](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hot_mess_express/gifts).



> Italics is in the past. Regular font is the present.
> 
> Again, never watched cartoon therapy, but I hope Emile was done alright.
> 
> Also y'all are all leaving hearts now, and it seems like a cult. Am I a leader or a sacrifice? Someone please respond. I'm getting nervous.

_"Is it normal to feel, um, well, excited over images?"_

_The school psychologist blinked, tilting his head. "Why, I thought they'd bring this up in sex education. Aren't you in that class? It's completely normal for kids your age to discover porn. I wouldn't recommend using it as a guide, but it's normal for you to be curious about sex--"_

_"I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about other types of pictures." Virgil said, poking at his mac and cheese. This was so embarrassing. "Like, uh, weird stuff."_

_"Well, I'm not qualified to talk about this stuff. You should really be asking your teachers about fetishes and what's okay--"_

_"I'm talking about murder. Um, I know it's really weird, but I feel very warm when I look at crime scene images and the murder victims. Is that normal?"_

_"I'm afraid it's not normal. If I was any other person, I'd have to call your family."_

_Virgil paled at that, shaking his head. "Please don't call them. They'll kill me. I don't want to be in trouble. Forget I said anything--"_

_"I said if I was any other person. I'm aware you're special. There's a reason you obsess over murderers. I'm no saint, myself. I won't judge your interests. Just don't share this with anyone else. Well, maybe share with someone if you trust them, but most people will send you to a psychiatric hospital. Not the worst place, but I'm sure you don't want to be there."_

_"I don't. I think if I ignore these feelings, they'll go away."_

_"That's not how it works, Virgil. You can always talk about them with me, but don't repress them. Bad things can happen if you repress your emotions."_

* * *

"Will you be okay with everyone coming over tomorrow?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Patton rubbed his thigh, sitting next to him. "You've been off lately. I'm worried."

"I've been thinking a lot. No need to worry about me."

"I love worrying about you. Want to talk?"

"I just want to listen to music and sit with you. Would that be alright?"

"Of course." 

Virgil let Patton put on music, the volume low. He closed his eyes, trying to calm down.

* * *

_Virgil was allowed back in the house once morning came. He was shivering, his nose stuffy and body cold. Whether it was because his parents felt any sort of mercy or because they realized he would gather negative attention, he was unsure. He got beaten with his father's belt for getting sick. He tried to point out it was unfair, but that just earned him more lashes. He was sent upstairs to his room. This was the first time he imagined killing his family. He sat on his bed, wondering how his dad would like getting hit with his own belt until his back was bleeding and he couldn't speak. He wanted to smash the fancy plates they owned on his mother's head, just so she would feel both physical pain from the hits and emotional pain from losing the platters. He wanted to break his sisters legs so she could never dance again, and he wanted to force his brother to eat all of his books until his mouth was littered in paper cuts. He wanted them to suffer._

_It felt wrong, but god he wanted to see them in pain._

* * *

"Virgil, honey, what's wrong?"

Virgil sighed. His head was now on Patton's lap as he thought about his life. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you've been silent for twenty minutes. You usually try to break the awkward silence. What's on your mind?"

"Do you think I'm fucked up? Like, I eat people and get turned on from killing them. Isn't that weird?"

"Virgil, I kill people."

"But you don't get turned on! You usually need to relax or get a shoulder massage because you tense up during the fight! I need to jerk off!"

"I know, dear. That's fine. Why are you thinking about this?"

"I don't know. I think it's because I'm part of a family again. It's messing me up." Virgil sat up, cracking his back lightly. "I'm just thinking a lot about how I became this. It just doesn't seem right."

"Come here,"

Virgil crawled onto his lap, exhaling softly when he was embraced. Patton rubbed his back, shushing him gently. He put his thumb in his mouth, trying to calm down as he was caressed. He was in good hands with Patton. Maybe not the best hands since they kept going to his ass, but good hands nonetheless.

"I think you're perfect. I wouldn't keep you around if I wasn't okay with it, or I'd make you stop by any means necessary. Killing isn't my kink, but I love you and your quirks. As far as your diet goes, the twins eat like you. I invited them in my life. Why wouldn't I keep you?"

"Because you have to make out with me after I eat someone."

"It's kind of hot. Watching you unhinged like that. You get so intense and animalistic when you eat humans. I love it."

"It's so fucked up. I hate that I'm getting aroused just talking about it. Can't I be a plaything for you all again? I didn't feel bad then. I feel bad now." Virgil inhaled sharply when Patton squeezed his ass. "Really?"

"Not the time?"

"I'd like reassurance right now, but thank you for trying."

"Alright. Want to keep talking about it? I'll listen and stop touching."

"I just don't want to think for a bit. Can we talk about literally anything else?"

"I only have murder and sex on my mind now. I don't know what else to talk about."

Virgil sighed, kissing him softly. It would have to do for now.

* * *

_Virgil stared at the packet he received from the two women so many years ago. He was looking at the more graphic photos of the crime scene. He got a weird feeling in his stomach as he stared. He just finished his sex education class, and it didn't mention this. All he learned about was how to use a condom and to say no to sex. Nothing about getting excited about blood and guts. He'd ask Doctor P about this again at school. He put the folder away, not enjoying his salivating. It didn't make sense. There wasn't anything cooking. He wasn't hungry in general, but he felt his mouth continue to water at the thought of the bodies._

_What was wrong with him?_

* * *

His self confidence was getting worse. He kept talking about how he was subhuman. It made everyone worry about him, but he always said it with a smile on his face. It wasn't guilt that was overtaking him, but rather the knowledge he was a monster. Self worth was never Virgil's strongest feature, and his life now wasn't helping much. He felt no remorse for his victims. He felt it more for himself. Who would accept this in their life? No wonder his family hated him.

Would his new family hate him?

"Virgil? You've been sitting there for awhile." Logan's voice brought him back. He was sitting further away, listening as they all had their fun. Janus was near him, but Virgil insisted on sitting on the floor. "Want to participate in the killing?"

"I'm good. Not feeling up to it." Virgil responded, leaning forward on his knees. How bloody was it getting? He needed to get more bleach. Fuck. He didn't feel like going back into civilization right now. No one knew of his crimes, but he always bought only cleaning products. Maybe he should buy ingredients for meals when he was out. Make it more natural.

"Want to hear how we're--" Remus started.

"No! I mean, I'm good. I'm tired. I had a long day."

"It's seven in the morning--"

"Virgil didn't sleep much last night." Patton said, snapping a bone out of the body. Virgil shivered at the noise. "He was up since three. Nightmares again. New ones."

"Should we have our sessions again?" Logan asked, moving away from their victim and towards Virgil. He put a hand on his cheek, smearing blood on him.

"Not this time. I really don't feel like bringing back these memories. I just had one nightmare. It's not the end of the world. I'll think about it if they keep coming. I'm good right now." Virgil scooted away, getting up and heading to the kitchen. He grabbed a paper towel to wipe off the blood, wanting to get as far away from that as he could. 

"Just gonna wipe off the blood?" Roman asked, his tone dripping with worry. "Something's wrong."

"I'm fine. Just not hungry."

"You're not fine. You've been odd for the past couple of months." Janus pointed out. Virgil kept his back to them, really not in the mood to discuss this. "Doll, say something to us."

"Right now it's trauma time in my head. Whole fucking parade in there. I don't feel like unleashing this right now. Fucking--I'm an adult. They shouldn't even be bothering me anymore."

But what would they say about this? That he was a freak? That he wasn't supposed to be here? Or would it be worse?

* * *

_"The fuck is this shit?!"_

_Virgil didn't know what to say. He didn't know if he should say anything. He thought his journals were safe. His family never took interest in what he did before. Why now? How did they find his journals? His sister was giggling. Of course she found them. She always snooped in Virgil's room to find something that would get him in trouble. His brother usually did too, but he wasn't as thorough. He flinched when one of the journals hit him in the face. It hit him right in the eye. Then hands were around his throat, and he was struggling to breathe. A string of homophobic insults came his way. He was called a fairy as the fingers tightened their grip, and he could barely keep his eyes open until the doorbell rung. He was released so his parents could get to the door without raising any concerns._

_He ran. He grabbed his journals and went straight to his room. He locked the door, hiding under his bed. There was banging at his door, but he ignored it. They couldn't get in. They didn't have a skeleton key, and his windows were closed and locked. The banging ended, but Virgil knew better at this point. He made the mistake of peeking out before, and that resulted in getting choked until he passed out. He stayed under his bed, trembling. He needed a better hiding spot for his journals. He rubbed his eyes free of tears, peeking out from under his bed. It was fine. He got out, sitting on his bed. He glanced in the mirror on his dresser, and it was fine. He had a small paper cut under his eye, and it would bruise, but he'd be fine. He rubbed his neck, searching his room for any glasses or bottles of water he may have left. They were hidden in the closet. That would help his throat at least._

_He grabbed his laptop, opening it and looking at local news. Nothing. He went a couple cities over. Nothing. No new stories. No new pictures of crime scenes. He never accepted his weird feelings, but he still liked looking at them. He checked his writing account. A couple new comments which was nice. He started a new one to help calm himself down. He wasn't going to get to eat tonight. Maybe the crows would bring him some bugs or a dead mouse, but those weren't his favorite things to eat. It didn't stop him from doing it, but it was gross. He usually got sick after the dead mice, and then he'd get in trouble for getting sick. That would suck. Maybe going hungry would be better._

_He made a new story, writing about his recent obsession. The new leader of The Happy Family. He'd pay all of his savings to see him and have him kill his family. He didn't have much money, but he'd still give as much money as he could._

_He looked out the window. He could go. He could just leave. Go and live with the crows. He wouldn't. They always told him no._

_There was something or someone evil in those woods, and he'd give anything to find out what the crows protected him from._

* * *

"Who shouldn't be bothering you anymore?" Roman asked. He moved away from the body, going to Virgil. He washed his hands before hugging him. No need for him to wipe more blood on the poor man. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm just thinking about my parents again. I should just get over it, right?"

"From the stories Patton said you shared, no. I think it's perfectly normal that you'd be experiencing stuff like this. You just got invited into a new family, and you have a bad track record with your old one. You're probably nervous about yielding similar results."

"When did you get so eloquent."

"Excuse you! I may be a killer, but I'm still the prince of your dreams! Also, Remus and I dealt with the urge to kill our new family once we joined since that's what we did to our last one. I'm assuming your experience of falling back into old habits are the same. That's why you haven't been as confident."

"I'm never confident. Look at me. What's there to be confident about?"

"I will physically fight you!" Patton called out, making Virgil flinch. He didn't want to think about fighting.

"Now, my sweet damoiseau in distress--" Roman began.

"What--"

"It's the masculine form of damsel. Now, my sweet damoiseau in distress, I do insist you partake in our activity. The body is still moving, and we both know you love to eat them squirming."

"And that's not gross?"

"I'm personally not a fan of raw meat. It's too natural of a flavor, but I appreciate your interests. Remus likes raw brains." Roman kissed his cheek. "Where's my smile? I love seeing you happy."

Virgil smiled weakly, accepting the kisses that were peppered onto his face. 

"Now come on. Want to rip his throat out with your teeth?"

"I'm really alright. I'll just listen to you all have fun. How much blood is on the floor?" 

"You could really just clean it with your tongue if you do it now."

"Never mind. Your kink is weirder than mine. You like maids."

Roman did a fake, offended gasp. "I do not! I like Virgils who clean with their mouths! Though, I wouldn't protest you wearing a maid outfit."

"I'll consider it. I doubt I'll do it, but I'll consider it. Alright, I've considered it. No."

"Cute. I'm still going to convince you to wear a maid dress. Come sit with us. You don't have to participate, but I want you there."

Virgil grumbled, but he followed Roman. He sat behind him, listening to the person they were toying with cry and scream. The noises alone were exciting him. He stood up to grab his camera. He wanted to add this to his newest collection. He was still supplying small art galleries with his photos, so this would be a good piece. He tugged Janus' arm, having him help aim the shot so it wouldn't show the whole person. Just whatever wound they made.

"Virgil, want to help me do some stitches? I bet your boyfriends would love to see your new skills. We can sew the mouth shut today!" Patton offered, taking his hand. 

"Yeah, fine, I'll give in for that. I need to work on those." Virgil moved closer, sitting down. Not too much blood on the floor, so that was good. He didn't have to go out. Patton helped him start on the stitches, doing the first one for him. He worked with the room absolutely silent, save for the moaning from their victim. Patton kissed his neck as he went, letting him know when he was starting to get uneven. The stitching didn't get him as aroused as killing did. It made his stomach flutter, sure, but it was more of a reminder of his love for Patton. He put one last stitch in, patting the person's cheek. "Sorry if it's ugly. Not that you'll live long enough to show it off."

"It's lovely. I'd pay money to have my mouth stitched up as pretty as that." Remus assured him. "Can we break all of their bones now?"

"Try to make clean up a minimum. I don't feel like going to the store right now."

Patton pulled him on his lap, pinching his cheek. "We'll be clean. I do agree with Roman's point from earlier, but it's whatever you want."

It was relieving to hear that.

* * *

_Virgil checked around the house. No one was home. Good. He really didn't want to spend his nineteenth birthday with his family. He just switched his major to art history, praying he'd enjoy that. Probably not. He wasn't the biggest fan of fact memorization, but he did enjoy art. He enjoyed it a lot. Especially dark art. The news was bursting with more information. His hypothesis from so many years ago was correct. That hacker killer was a guy, but they couldn't find him. He left a witness who never saw him but heard his voice. She died two days after giving her testimony. Virgil thought it served her right. Of course she wouldn't last after sharing something that could be considered vital information._

_He opened his computer, looking at the news story. He bit his hand as he stared at the corpse, trying to hold in his moan even if he was alone. It felt dirty and wrong. He felt so much pleasure looking at her still body. Fuck, he did a number on her without even touching her. She looked like she was killed with carbon monoxide. That was probably the case since they found traces of CO in her apartment. Silent and slow. She probably died in her sleep. Fuck._

_He ignored his dick. He tried to convince himself he wasn't getting turned on by this. It was awful, yes, but he wanted to see it happen. He wanted to watch as she choked and threw up and died. He visited his old psychologist in prison sometimes if he could, but chances were he wouldn't be able to visit anytime soon. Not with his classes and getting home before his parents. He needed to talk to someone about this. It got worse. He started getting hungry when he looked at these images, and it made no sense. He could hardly eat regular food without thinking about bodies._

_"It's a phase. Everyone goes through cringy, awkward phases. This is like when I felt the need to eat steak for a whole year. It'll pass. I didn't eat lunch. That's it. What the fuck is wrong with you Virgil? Fuck." He mumbled to himself as he put a hand over his crotch, trying to relieve any pressure._

_He got better at hiding his lust in front of people. He thought of what it must smell like, because decomposing bodies always made him wrinkle his nose. Not that he witnessed them a lot. He just read descriptions. It sounded gross. But he was alone now, and there was no need to hide his lust. The only person he should hide it from was himself. He should take a shower. Get this icky feeling off his body. How the fuck was he supposed to find a boyfriend when he acted like this? What an awful conversation. Telling them you're into murder? It's disgusting. Maybe he could just sleep around. That sounded much easier than making connections. Maybe use a dating app to meet with people who wouldn't want to see him again. It would do, even if that wasn't what he wanted._

_He just wanted to be normal._

* * *

"Want help cleaning?" Logan asked as Virgil started to dab the floor with a cloth. "I'm happy to assist you."

"Nah, it's okay. You all did the work. It's fine." Virgil felt a peck on his lips, smiling as Logan continued to kiss him. He pushed him back, snorting. "I need to get this off before it stains. I don't feel like getting stain removal shit."

"Are you comfortable? I'm happy to help with--"

"Lo, I promise you can have my body once I'm done cleaning. That isn't going away. If anything, being close to the crime scene is making me more aroused. I always liked looking at those."

"You were an odd person growing up, weren't you? I wish I knew you."

"I was not a fun person. I didn't talk to people because if I did, I'd talk about serial killers."

"You said you had sex in college. I can't imagine you had--"

"I had one night stands with strangers. I didn't date anyone. That was too much pressure. Especially when you're a fanatic for serial killers. No one wants to date that. Okay, that's a lie. Many people are invested in serial killers and their motives. It's why there are so many documentaries. It's just weird when it's the only thing you talk about. Anyway, we wouldn't talk if we met when I was younger. You would be an older kid which would make me intimidated. I'd probably just avoid you."

"Ouch."

"Patton almost killed me once as a kid. I was invited to play with him, but it was around the time the twins murdered their mother, so I was really weary of leaving my home with strangers."

"I'm glad he didn't get you."

Virgil finished cleaning the floor--they delivered on their promise to be less messy--and stood up, licking the blood off his fingers. Logan grabbed him, pulling him close and kissing his neck. "Logan--"

"I believe you said I could have your body."

"Can I put the cloth down?"

Logan didn't respond, just palming him through his pants. That was probably a no. He closed his eyes, letting Logan do what he wanted. With him, it wasn't too rough unless they were having sex. He sat down, pulling Virgil on him as he kept groping his crotch. "Did you take a picture of his mouth?"

"Not this time. Didn't think of that." Virgil panted, leaning his head back. "Was it good?"

"You did a very good job."

Virgil nodded, trying to sit up. Logan adjusted and moved him, inadvertently grinding against him.

"I'd love to get you back on one of my machines. Maybe make a new one that just jerked you off without pause. That'd be cute."

"If you did that, I think I would cry."

"We should do it. I'd love to see you cry now. You should've seen Remus going at the bones. He kept them alive as he did a blood eagle. He put a towel under the body so it would be easier to clean, but it was bloody."

"Fuck! Logan, let me take off my--"

"Patton grabbed the salt to put on the open wound. They would've screamed if we left the mouth open. The lungs on the wings really made the image. They looked like a work of art." Logan gripped him tighter, savoring the gasps of air Virgil was taking. He wanted to see him cum in his pants. He wanted Virgil to be humiliated from it. "You could see everything inside. The ribs out like that? Holding the skin? It was lovely."

Virgil let out a mewl before fulfilling Logan's wishes, going lax into his arms. Logan didn't stop. "Logan--"

"I can't believe you got off so quickly. In your clothes, too. How humiliating."

Virgil kissed him, moaning into his mouth. He had a feeling Logan wouldn't be stopping anytime soon.

* * *

_His first time with Patton was before they even started being lovers. He was still a captive, technically. It was when he got sick for the first time. He woke up with a headache and a sore throat, his vision out of focus. He had a fever, didn't he? Shit. Patton was going to kill him for this. No one liked when he got sick. He was such a fucking failure. He heard the basement door creak open, making him wince. Patton came down, quickly untying him. He looked him in the eyes, frowning._

_"You look like shit."_

_"I feel like shit. I'm sick."_

_"Oh, please don't be sick."_

_"Am I in trouble?"_

_"Why would you be in trouble? I'm just upset you can't cook for me. You can't control this. If you can, please stop being sick. I would appreciate that."_

_Virgil rubbed his wrists before coughing into his arm. "I'm sorry. Please don't hurt me."_

_"Have I hurt you yet?"_

_"They did. Each time I even sneezed."_

_Patton tilted his head, taking his hand. "Want to watch me kill someone today? I know I usually keep you hidden until I need you to clean, but you deserve a break. I think if I teach you, you can be my apprentice one day. You'd still do everything you do now, but you'd be an accomplice."_

_Virgil didn't want to kill, but he also didn't want to upset his captor anymore than he might've. He nodded, going upstairs with him. There was already a man tied up, eyes widening when he saw Virgil. He started saying something behind the gag. Telling him to run or help or something. Virgil coughed again. "Can I make myself tea?"_

_"Go ahead. You know where everything is. I'll wait for you."_

_Virgil grabbed the kettle, putting up water. He moved to the living room, sitting on the couch so he'd be facing the work being done. He never saw how Patton killed his victims. He'd seen the aftermath before, of course, but he was both excited and horrified to actually see it live. He was not prepared for an ocular surgery. Patton was careful and precise with his cutting, using a scalpel in replacement of his usual knives. The person screamed the whole time, clearly in pain. It was horrifying. So awful to see the eyes come out and switched with one another. Despite that, he felt his body heat up and his penis harden. Fuck. Not in front of Patton. He crossed his legs, hissing a bit. The smell wasn't strong like this, so he couldn't use that as a distraction. It had been awhile since he touched himself, which also didn't help hide his erection. He always got nervous Patton would hear or see him, so he stopped touching himself. Virgil went to grab his tea just as Patton finished his surgery, smiling at the work before turning to Virgil._

_"Were you paying attention?"_

_"Yes."_

_Patton glanced at his legs, blinking. "Uh, you got a little problem there."_

_"I'm so sorry. I was thinking about something else. My mind just wandered and--fuck, I'm sorry. I'll go back in the basement."_

_"I mean, do you want help with it? I wouldn't be opposed to, um, providing relief."_

_"You'll get sick if you touch me. I don't want you to--"_

_"You'll just take care of me. Here, let me help you." Patton motioned for him to undress. Virgil did, pausing only to cough. He felt his face flush. For some reason, he felt embarrassed about getting undressed in the kitchen. It wasn't Patton. He changed in front of him before. Maybe it was because Patton offered to help him out. He picked up his clothes, covering his penis nervously. Patton frowned. "Hey, am I pressuring you?"_

_"What?"_

_"I'm not going to force you to do this. I have some morals. Yeah, I kidnapped you and kept you locked up, but I'm not going to make you have sex with me."_

_"You're not forcing me. I really just feel bad. I'm sick and--"_

_"Thank fuck. I really need to fuck someone. It's been awhile."_

_"You're not mad?"_

_"Not at all. Add honey to your tea before you drink it. It'll help your throat. I want you better as soon as possible to help clean this shit."_

_"I can still clean tonight."_

_"I want you to do a good job. I'll just snap his neck for tonight and bury the body after we're done. Just get better so I can have you cook for me. Shit, I don't think I have any condoms--"_

_"I'm clean. Just fuck me. Please. I'm fine with it."_

_"No feelings. We're just having sex. If I like it, it'll be part of your job here. We're never going past that."_

_Virgil was fine with that. Fuck, he couldn't believe that was offered. He was excited. Maybe the excitement was telling him Patton sounded unsure about never moving past just sex, but he didn't care. He was about to have sex with someone he considered his hero. He downed his tea, ignoring the burning feeling in his throat. He put the mug down, awkwardly clearing his throat. He may have been excited, but he was in no way confident._

_"You can say stop at any time. I really like having you clean my house. I feel like you started getting comfortable here, and I'm enjoying that."_

_"I want this. I can promise that one. I'm just nervous because it's been a couple months, and I'm worried I won't be good. Will I be punished if I--"_

_"No. I'm not a monster. I'll probably stop fucking you, but I won't hurt you. Now, can you prep yourself?"_

_"Yeah."_

_Virgil knew the house by heart now. There was vaseline in the kitchen that could be used for this. It wasn't his first option, and he made a mental note to buy actual lubricant when he went to the store for Patton next. Even if it was just for him. He instantly plunged two fingers in himself, not wanting to make Patton wait. Patton tsked softly, moving to him and putting a hand on his cheek. With his free hand, he grabbed the vaseline and covered his cock with it. "Easy. Don't speed it up for me. I told you I won't be mad. Take your time if you need to."_

_"You're nicer than any of my college hookups, and I really don't know how to feel about this." Virgil pushed the third in, accepting when Patton kissed him. It was soft. He didn't expect that, but it wasn't bad. He let Patton move him back to the living room, still prepping himself until they hit the couch. Patton pulled his hand out, lining up and slowly pushing in. He was being gentle with him. It was nothing Virgil expected. He kissed Patton quickly, trying to find a distraction to the stretch. Patton let him, caressing his body as he sunk deeper. He pulled back, smiling._

_"Good job. You feeling okay?"_

_"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Oh fuck. I just realized you didn't kill him yet. He's looking at me." Virgil squirmed, frowning. He turned his head, coughing into his arm._

_"I'll kill him once we're done." Patton slowly began to move, relishing in the little 'uh's Virgil gave. "Pretty noises. I like those. I think I'll keep using you. No feelings, remember that."_

_Virgil kept repeating 'yes' over and over again, speeding up his words as Patton sped up his movements._

_"You look so exhausted. I bet you didn't sleep well last night. I'll stop tying you up. Right now, I'll settle for watching you pass out after getting fucked. Bury the body after you're comfortable on the couch."_

_No feelings his ass. Patton was breaking his own rules already. He had to feel something to make the living conditions better._

_"You're still sleeping in the basement, but you can move around down there. Today you can rest on the couch. Take it easy for a day."_

_"Please."_

_"I'll start fucking you once a day. You'll tell me if it's a bad time, but I'm going to at least once each day. All the more reason to get better for me. I want to be able to have you more often. You still have to ask me for permission about everything, but fuck, I'd love to give you a little more freedom. You've been so good, and if you stay good, you can get more privileges."_

_"I'd love that. Pat, please--"_

_"You have to prove yourself still." Patton grabbed his cock, pumping in time with the thrusts. "You still have a lot to do until I let you sleep upstairs. Need to break you in. You're a toy to me. Nothing else. Got it?"_

_"Yes! Fuck! I'm a toy!"_

_"Good boy. I could keep you on my dick all day. Maybe when you get better I can do that."_

_"Gladly! Shit, Pat. I'd stay on you for weeks on end. I'll fucking worship you if I need to. Just keep going."_

_He did. He moved onto his back so he could move Virgil easier, watching as he came on his chest. He kept moving Virgil, albeit a bit slower. Virgil was in love, he realized. He was in love with his captor, and he was fine with that. Even if Patton was clear about the rule of no feelings. He loved him, and he would gladly be used until he died._

* * *

"Lo, it's starting to feel weird."

He had cummed about three times. His clothes were rubbing against him and making him uncomfortable. He didn't enjoy the feeling of his semen pooling in his pants. Logan pulled his hand away, kissing his cheek. "Sorry. I got carried away."

"Can I go get changed now? It's gross having it on me--"

"I want you to keep wearing the clothes. Be aware you just came in your pants like some inexperienced kid. Walk around in it all day."

Virgil's breath caught in his throat. He liked when Logan ordered him around. He nodded, looking down. His mind started to wander again. Not for long. Logan started to be able to tell when he got nervous, so he gripped Virgil's crotch again, making him moan.

"Stay focused on me. Do we have to do another round?"

"Fuck, L. Don't you need relief?"

"I like watching you squirm. It's fine. Stop worrying."

"Jeez, my anxiety is cured. You've done it. I stopped worrying."

Logan flicked his forehead with his free hand. "Such an attitude. We have to fix that. Knock you down a few levels."

"I'm already so many levels below you all."

"Okay, we're done insulting Virgil. He's having confidence issues." Patton said, pulling Virgil off of Logan. "Wow, your pants are wet. Were you wearing boxers?"

"Please leave me alone. Logan's making me wear them all day, and I don't want to focus on that. And no, I wasn't. Sue me. There was no point if they're here. One of them will undress me at some point."

"Fair. Want to take a nap? You look so tired."

"I'm fine. I'm not in the mood for sleeping. I'll wait until everyone leaves."

"Alright dear. We put the body in the cooler for you. Remus did a number on him, but there's still enough meat for the week. Does that sound like enough?"

"I'm not strictly cannibalistic. I can eat regular steak with you. It's more than enough."

"Good. Want to go reward Remus for making such a pretty image?"

Virgil nodded, letting Patton guide him to where his boyfriend was, sitting on his lap and kissing him.

* * *

_"Why didn't you tell me you were having wet dreams about murder? How long has this been going on?"_

_"Since I learned what erections were. I'm sorry. I didn't want it to be real. I spent so long trying to pretend it wasn't true. That I wasn't turned on by watching people get mangled, but I just can't keep hiding it. I kept dreaming about it, and the lack of sleep made me aggressive and anxious. I thought if you found out they were good dreams, you'd be disgusted. I just can't--I hate that I'm turned on by this. I hate myself."_

_Patton sighed, looking at his lover. He was crying. Not sobbing, but he was struggling to keep tears in. It made Patton feel bad for him. "I wish you just said that."_

_"It's fucking disgusting. Why would I say anything? I thought I finally had it repressed, and then everyone started killing in front of me, and I just couldn't hold it in."_

_"How should we do this? I know Logan helped you when you killed someone, so should we get you another victim? I'm fine with this. Tell me what to do."_

_"I don't know. I used to look at images of corpses. It made me excited. I never touched myself, but I loved looking at those."_

_"So if I described a hypothetical murder? Would that arouse you? If I talked about slowly skinning someone alive? Peeling off their skin? Blood dripping slowly?"_

_Virgil nodded, hiccuping. "Yeah, uh, that's doing something. I like that."_

_"Maybe cut off a few limbs? I could let you tear out some guts or muscles. You'd look so good covered in blood."_

_"Pat--"_

_"Loved when you bashed that skull in. I'd love to see you do that again."_

_Virgil began to rut against the bed. Patton smirked at that, pulling him closer._

_"Aw, my baby likes that. Shit, I wish I knew this. Is this why anytime I let you watch me kill someone we'd end up fucking?"_

_Virgil mumbled something, averting his eyes._

_"Louder."_

_"Yes, that's why. I never thought of porn. It was always because you were killing. That's why I stopped watching and just did clean up. Made it easier to ignore."_

_"No need to ignore it now. I'd love to watch you get off in front of our victims now. Putting on a little show for them before they die. If they even think about touching you, I'd cut off their hands."_

_"Fuck yes."_

_"Your boyfriends can touch you, but if anyone else ever does, I'd slit their throat. I like this side of you. I like seeing you get off on my line of work. I'll make sure you watch each time I kill now. Maybe you can sit on my lap so I can jerk you off at the same pace that I stab someone."_

_"I love you. Fuck, I love you so much."_

_"I love you too. Now come here and show me how much you adore me."_

* * *

Virgil had his face in the crook of Remus' neck. He was being bounced quickly. This he could get behind. He liked turning his brain off and just being used. He was still fully clothed. His boyfriends wanted him to soil his clothes further. He kept his face hidden just so they couldn't see how red he was getting. 

"Why're you hiding?" Remus asked, pinching his side. "Show me your face."

"No."

"You getting close?"

"Yes."

"Let me see your face as you lose yourself."

Virgil pulled back, wrinkling his nose as he came again. He let out a gasp for air, leaning his head back. "Happy?"

"Not yet, but I'm proud."

"I'm getting too old for this shit. I don't have the same libido as I used to."

"Which is why Janus altered your drink for you. Drink up."

"Why do I let you all drug me?" Virgil asked as a glass was placed in his hands. He didn't hesitate to drink it, whimpering when Remus started to move again. "Remus, it didn't kick in yet."

"It will. Maybe we should tell you about Roman's little joyride last night. He collected so many heads for me. He may've brought some tools for you to clean, but let's focus on the murders. He probably killed six or seven people. I didn't count. Some of them were clean cuts, and some of them were uneven. One even had half the jaw cut off because of the uneven cut. Shit, have we ever used blood as lube on you?"

"N-no."

"Would you like that?"

"Yes."

"Oh, we're going to have so much fun with that in the future. I only asked because the one head without the jaw was so bloody and ripped up, it almost fell apart in my hands. Might make some meatloaf out of that one. Maybe a crumble."

"Remus, I love you, but you're just making me hungry now."

"Good! You didn't eat when we were killing! You should be eating! Oh, Ro, know what we should do?"

Virgil bet Roman was averting his eyes as his brother used Virgil. Maybe talking to Janus quietly. "What?"

"Condition him so he gets turned on when he eats people. First murder, then cannibalism. I want to absolutely destroy his psyche."

"Yeah, I'd like that. Virge, want to have your mind completely fucked?"

"Already is, Roman." Virgil breathed out, finally feeling the drugs in his system. His body tingled everywhere he was touched. "What did you give me?"

"We experimented with my ingredients to make it. It will last about four hours or so. Once it wears off, you'll drink more. I didn't put anything lethal in there." Janus informed him, clicking a pen. "How does it feel? I want to take notes."

"Everything I touch is pleasureful. I'm calm. Uh, I'm struggling to focus on anything. I'm very aware of my clothes. Slightly drunk." 

"Good. You can go back to whatever Remus is doing to you."

Remus began to grind against him harder, loving the small reactions Virgil gave him. "How do we condition you?"

"Anytime he eats part of a corpse, one of us fucks him." Roman answered. "Sooner or later, he'll find cannibalism sexy. I mean, we've already started conditioning him, but it'll take awhile for it to really settle. Let me get some meat for him."

"Don't make me more fucked up than I already am. I don't need to add this to my list." Virgil hissed, kissing Remus. He pulled back, tugging at his shirt. "Can I take this off? Logan, come on."

"The shirt can be taken off, but not your pants. Not until tomorrow morning. I want you to sleep in it. Sleep in your shame." Logan's voice was commanding. Virgil came from that alone, burying his face once more in Remus' neck out of embarrassment.

They would be the end of him.

* * *

_"What would happen if I repressed them?"_

_"They may come back in ways you won't like. It's best to talk to someone you trust. If you don't have anyone, I recommend journaling. You wouldn't want to act on these emotions. You might commit a crime just to experience this feeling you have. You wouldn't want that."_

_"But what if I do? What if I want to act on these thoughts? What if I never get better?"_

_"Then you better be with people who share the same interests and will love you no matter what."_

_Virgil decided then and there that he would find someone like that. He had to._

**Author's Note:**

> Author fact: until I discover if I'm going to die by this heart cult, I will give no more information because what the fuck--
> 
> Fun fact: testosterone does make you horny on main, but it doesn't make you a fucking monster (pun intended).
> 
> Also I hope this worked. I tried to think how the boys would make him feel, and honestly? Loved. He'd feel loved by being with them. His past, however, would fuck him up as he continued.


End file.
